She was friends with him, but that’s all, since they were in a no-sex group. LT: He was a chef and worked at a restaurant called chef, Peter, hasn’t shown up for work. V: Seems his wife, Carmen, works at the restaurant, and he turns into a marshmallow around her. He says Peter stayed for the dry ice delivery the night before, then he and Carmen went home. LT: Through his phone GPS, Tony is traced to a food truck, which Laura and Billy find. V: Apparently dark-blue Volvo station wagons are the new black and whites. LT: They give chase, and Laura eventually runs him down. V: It’s hilarious when he demands their license and registration Apparently the “crappy old Volvo” isn’t so recognizable, since he doesn’t believe Laura is a cop until Billy badges him. He’s behind schedule, and he didn’t hear the siren, because of his ear buds. When we next see him, he’s in the coffee room, wielding tweezers and picking poppy seeds off a bagel. And you don’t need tweezers to take the poppies off. LT: There was a fingerprint on the frozen-corpse lighter, which Max tracks to a Selena Barnes. Laura says she thinks that kind of work would be below J. The weed may be more lucrative, but when the police raid you, instead of fitting you with a pair of handcuffs, they sit down and have a nice convo over an excellent cup of coffee. Welcome to the world of Nassau County’s no-longer most-wanted. Then he apologizes and says he should have called before showing up the night before. Laura says she should have been honest and told him about the date. I’m so glad the show was headed somewhere with this, because I thought they believed that Jake’s mentioning old times every fifteen minutes and barking at hot dudes interested in Laura, was enough to get her back. The 0 always came from the same Pay Pal account and was paid by Judith Hansen, a bigwig restaurant critic. LT: Max does some of his crack work on-line by going on . Max would rather go with Laura, because Meredith “doesn’t do foodie.” Poor Max. LT: Billy and Meredith are with a realtor outside the building Peter was going to buy, but the realtor says Peter changed his mind. The realtor says Peter told him his girlfriend was expecting. He gives her another gift, a piece of molten chocolate cake. She says how good the cake is, and he says the secret is fresh eggs. When Billy asks why, Jake says Laura wanted a lightly poppy-seeded bagel, which nobody makes, so Jake had to improvise. Just run your hand over those suckers, and they fall right off. She has quite an extensive burglary record, a real “b-b-bad girl,” much to Max’s apparent delight. had recently had an argument about red table cloths, and Laura says red fibers were found on Peter’s clothes. He says he wants to “fix” things between them, but Laura says he can’t do that with a pizza and trying to make himself look good. Jake looks a little hurt, but it also looks like he might be getting it. LT: Yeah, it would have sucked if they’d done that. Max finds that Peter had another bank account under another name and recently withdrew 0,000. After Peter would eat at a place, a few days later, Judith would review it. Laura thinks maybe Judith has lost her sense of taste and is paying Peter for his opinion. Max said the same thing happened to him when he was younger…only it was actual Elmer’s Glue. I could totally go for dating someone who makes me delicious food gifts, and I have a feeling Laura is thinking the same thing. Carmen recently switched to using pasteurized eggs at the restaurant, but he saved some fresh ones for the cake. Feeling lousy doesn’t stop her from gloating, however. I’m definitely not going to his skanky restaurant, just out of principle. And how long did he think it would take before the police realized frozen body=died in a freezer=worked at a restaurant where the last thing he did was get the dry ice delivery? She says she’s just going to stay home and relax and watch TV. Jake took her telling him the kids were away for the night and how she let him rub her feet as ‘go’ signs. LT: He says he realizes he’s made a big mistake, then hangs his head and goes to leave. Peter had wanted to open his own restaurant, and maybe this is how he was financing the endeavor. I mean, granted, he’s made a huge pee-ring around Laura and attacks any man who gets within three feet of her, but I get that he’s trying to win her back, and seeing her making out with Hot! I guess Laura saw the divorce as, you know, divorce, whereas Jake took it as hitting the pause button. Sourpuss cuffs her as Max grabs a pitcher of water and starts gulping. He’d make some money that would go toward opening his own restaurant, and she’d keep her reputation. V: A pregnant woman watched the father of her baby suffocate to death? She was apparently able to overcome the extreme-drunkenness handicap and lead the women to victory, so Jake is now her “errand boy.” The ME says carbon dioxide poisoning was the cause of death, and the body was frozen afterward. He echoes Laura’s remark about the pay-grade thing. Billy and Meredith go to the laundry to track down the bag. V: Not to mention the myriad of health code violations. As she leaves, Billy walks in, and Jake warns him to tell no one of the foot massage. That must be his pasta machine, since I can’t imagine Laura having one. V: Jake gives his best hangdog face and takes his leave. LT: The next day, Billy and Meredith are outside Trent’s house, waiting for him to arrive. LT: Trent says he was going to go into business with Peter to open an organic restaurant, but two weeks ago, Peter pulled out. BF to a restaurant is like taking a death metal lover to the ballet. Judith says it’s good, which Max can’t believe, so he tries some and starts choking. V: I knew when Tony was cooking with it and mentioned how hot it was to Laura, that it would be popping up again at another time. LT: Max knew it was nastyhot, so why did he eat it? The last time she saw him he told her he’d found the perfect location for his place. Some of mommies even squirt from incredible orgasms masturbation and fucking before camera bring them.
V: And she considers him so hot, she nearly turns in her chip for him. There’s a mistake on it, which Jake will have to sit on hold with the cable company for a couple of hours to sort out, since he’s Laura’s bitch boy. LT: Meredith tells Laura that everyone at the restaurant liked Peter, except J. Their conversation is put on hold by the appearance of Tony. LT: As a peace offering, he made Laura a raspberry tart with other stuff in it too snooty for me to remember. V: I love that even while Max is talking, Tony watches Laura.
There’s no ID on the victim, just a fancy cigarette lighter. They spot it on the move and chase after it all through the room. BF to put her acrobatic skills on display, as she pulls off some Ninja moves on her way to catching the bag. Then he admits he kind of likes being BB and taking care of Laura. The guy comes armed with culinary implements and apparently takes his food, and his dating, seriously. A car pulls up, and several people get out and go inside. He also mentions that Peter had 0,000 to invest, which Billy says makes no sense, as his bank account never exceeded ,000. Anyway, Max asks Laura how they’ll be able to tell Judith can’t taste anything, and Laura says she has just the thing. They tell her they’re on police business and sit at her table, which she’s demonstrably not happy about. Then they distract her and Meredith pours something on it. Meredith says Peter backed out of his deal with Trent, so he must have a new partner.
Back at the station, Laura wastes no time in making Jake her bitch boy. But Billy can’t afford to laugh, as Meredith comes in and dumps a bunch of files on him. Sourpuss has decided who will be her bitch boy for the week. V: Color me surprised Jake wasn’t sabotaging the bagel in some way. The detectives, and a team of cops, come busting in. The next we see, Billy and BF are sitting down sipping coffee with Trent, who’s actually kind of charming and very cooperative. He’s moved on to hop shoots, for which he gets 0 a pound. V: Since I’m not a hipster, I had no idea about hop shoots, the most expensive vegetable in the world. ‘He used to be Long Island’s biggest weed-grower, but now it’s just him and his pig and his organic vegetables. Laura and Jake make some awkward conversation at work. Because this is the conversation we’ve been waiting for. Hmmm…I wonder if it’s that very hot stuff Tony was putting into their food the night before that he said could send you to the hospital if you ate too much of it. Rocco brings her a plate of awesome-looking food and asks the cops if they want anything. Judith says no, they’re leaving, but Max is a man after my own heart and proceeds to give Rocco a full dinner order. V: Hmmm…I wonder who that could be…let me try and guess… He had already moved in a couple of pieces of furniture, including a crib. Billy thinks “Food Truck Tony” might know, so Laura goes to question him. LT: Tony says Peter never mentioned a girlfriend then says how happy he is to see Laura again, especially Jake. They threw stuff to the ground, and he laid her out on the counter! Also, also, I am putty in the hands of a handsome man who makes me molten chocolate cake.
Milroy Laura is finally back from her holiday break! BF didn’t notice, either, and she seems way less drunk than Laura, so yeah, don’t think about it is a good plan. V: Even dressed down, she still looks like a supermodel with a baseball cap. Jake seems resigned to being bitch boy and asks if she wants a foot massage. Carmen then takes Laura aside and tells her how the restaurant got all of J.
And along the way, she catches the eye of a cute chef. Laura says the losers have to be the winners’ “bitch for a day,” and Jake ups the ante to a week, which Laura accepts. Hammered or not, she says she has no intention of losing. But the amount of drunkie she was should have been a clue. Laura looks kinda dead herself and is wearing sunglasses indoors. V: I like how they have their bonding moment with a special handshake I couldn’t repeat if I saw it five hundred more times. This is a woman who takes care of herself, so I find her explanation hard to believe. Laura gets a text from Tony asking about dinner that night. Of course, he approves, calls her hoochie mama and wags his ass in her face. Also, the bottom of her shoes are white, which seems at odds to walking the dirty streets of NYC. LT: He gives her the massage, as she says she’ll look into Peter’s exes. And if you’ve been thinking Jake will make another of his surprise appearances…well, you know this show all too well. I was beginning to doubt this show was capable of that. I can’t wait to find out the implications of this talk. Laura guesses that she told Peter about the pregnancy thinking it would scare him off, but instead he started planning for the future.